Monday, August 14, 2006

This is me

Well this is a first. I never thought I would be the kind of person to have a blog. At first I was OK with this, but as I read some posts of a few folks aound Texas, I began to ask myself why. I think the biggest reason I've never gotten one is mainly that I really think that no one would want to read it. Why would anyone want to read the thoughts from my head? I have basically no more knowledge or insight than any other 20 year old out there, so why should I waste my time? But I came across one man's blog, who I will not disclose at this time, that really stuck out to me. I was searching for some info on the Central Dallas Ministries site, when I came across this man's blog. Just a few days into his posts, I saw some comments from people who I know of either at ACU, or from other Christian institutions. The posts from some of these guys blew my mind. I had no idea there was that kind of passion in the souls of people all around me. Ok, I'm set and I'm getting a blog.

There is a deeper meaning to the reason I really got one, however. It will be helpful to know the way my mind is functioning at this point in time. I just spent the summer in Houston, Texas working with the Impact Houston Church in downtown. After this summer, I am a new man. I have no idea how, but my worldview has been completely skewed from what it was before. I'm sure there is plenty that happened this summer that contributes to this, but one thing is certain, life is different. Ok, so when I used to waste my time by watching TV or chatting away online, I never got anything done. I've got 2 weeks before I have to be back in Abilene, so as I learned this summer, every minute is I should make the most of it. I'm back in big-D, so I'm going to go on a quest for something I've always known about, but never done anything we go.

First of all, I was surprised to find out the amazing need that lies in my own back yard...literally. I live exactly 13.03 miles from downtown Dallas. (thats app. 18 minutes going the speed limit...ha!) Ya, that's right, my family resides in a cute little suburban neighborhood that traces back to when my grandparents couldn't take the demographical change of their Dallas neighborhood back in the 1960's and escaped with the mass of white flight to the suburbs. I attend a large, relatively conservative church. This church was a wonderful place to be raised and has basically always had its priorities in the right place. God is always glorified by all this church does, but I often wonder, how much more could God be glorified if we could just do this, or that. The church is very comfortable in the "middle-of-the-road" reputation that it so proudly boasts. One must know that the neigborhood demographics have changed quite a bit since it was planted 50 years ago by a church which has recently shut its doors for the last time. The church building stands as a huge fortress that rises above the surrounding businesses and houses. It's really been a great experience for me that led me to ACU and helped instill the passions of my own heart, but I've learned so much the past year. Back to my initial location. My hometown is lovely. Sure, it's got its problems like any city, but for the most part, it's a safe, comfortable, and affordable place to reside. This summer I was once asked by a fellow intern, "Why did you choose Houston to come to? Aren't there any places to go up in Dallas?" I was struck by this question because it had never been asked of me before. I didn't know what to say. I later found out about a ministry in Dallas that I had heard of, but never actually pursued. It had never occured to me that there are some of the same people within 13 miles of my house that I could have been serving all my life. Sure, I'm only 20, but that never stopped anyone from doing much, right? It's troubling to me that I've grown up this close to a major city and never done a flipping thing about it, not even prayed!!

Ok, so what do I do? Well first of all, I'm going downtown to CDM tomorrow to see what it's all about so I can actually become a part of the organization program. Secondly, I'm going to spend time in prayer for this city and the hurting people all around me. Houston was great; even so great that I'm pretty sure I want to live there for the rest of my life, loving those people. But there is just something wrong about saying I'm a part of this amazing ministy in Houston, and not giving it a single thought elsewhere. I'm a hypocrite. Heck, it's even in Abilene, where I go to school. There are plenty of people around who are dying, from hunger, from poverty, from a failed education system, even from a lack of support and care from a loving parent. And what am I doing? I am caught in the flow of leeching onto whatever Christian program i can find to satisfy my rich, white guilt, the whole time dying inside because it's lacking the fire of Christ that I profess to possess...but I don't! We should be careful what we do and why we do it. We've got to be intentional with our lives, not just living from one moment to the next- like I've done for way too long.

So I'm starting this blog as a reminder to put my beliefs into action...and to see what thoughts happen to flow from my contemplative head. I've got to go set the rest of this up now.